華閱文章網1.英語簡短幽默的小故事（1分半鐘）
Talking clock 會說話的鐘 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning！" 一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。
“那個大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學生回答。
“這鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問。“看著，別眨眼了”，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。
突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現在是凌晨兩點鐘了！” 這是第一篇~ A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問："主啊， 一百萬美元對你意味著多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又問："那一百萬年呢？"上帝說："一秒鐘."最后男子請求道："上帝，我能得到一便士嗎？"上帝回答："過一秒鐘." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"！ 四個好朋友在醫院里碰面了，他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第一個男人說："恭喜，你得了雙胞胎."男人說："多奇怪呀，我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的 經理."過了一會兒，護士過來對第二個男人說："恭喜，你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡："嗯，又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后，護士跑來對第三個男人 說："恭喜，你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說："真令人啼笑皆非，我為四季賓館工作."他們三個都很高興，但第四個伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻，咒罵上帝 并用頭撞墻.他們問他有什么不對勁，他回答道："什么不對勁？我可是在七喜公司工作呀！" 呵呵，一個比一個效率高.。
2.我想要一些英語幽默的小故事
中式英語： 昨天來了個老外，進到辦公室，前臺小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戲，只有自己比較清閑，就 面帶微笑的： 前臺小姐：“hello？” 老外：“hi.” 前臺小姐：“you have what thing？” 老外：“can you speak English？ ” 前臺小姐：“if I not speak English, I am speaking what？” 老外：“can anybody else speak English？ ” 前臺小姐：“you yourself look. all people are playing, no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go.” 老外：“good heavens. anybody here can speak English？” 前臺小姐：“ shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing.” 老外：“I want to speak to your head.” 前臺小姐：“head not * tomorrow come.”。
3.短小幽默的英語小故事
短小幽默的英語小故事
* First 女士優先
A teacher asked her class: "Is the sentence ' The ox and
the cow are in the fields' correct?" Most of the children said: "Yes, it is all
right!" And only one little boy said: "No, it is not correct. The lady must be
mentioned first."
女士優先
一位老師問班上的學生：”公牛和母牛在田里“這個句子對嗎？” 大多數學生回答說：“對，一點不錯。”
只有一個小男孩說：“不對，應該先說女士。”
* is the egg?
Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?
Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.
Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?
Student:In the cake,Sir.
雞蛋在哪里？
老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？
學生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。
老師：“雞蛋”在哪？
學生：在蛋糕里，先生。
4.較為簡短的英文幽默小故事（初一的,不要太難）
Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ." "Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know." 為我所用 一頭大象對一只小老鼠說：“你無疑是我見過的最小、最沒用的東西。”
“請再說一遍，讓我把它記下來。”老鼠說。
“我要講給我認識的一只跳蚤聽。 An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits. "Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed." "It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last * why have you added so many more this time?" "You silly * were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you." While wisiting the cemetery,a sorrowful couple noticed a headstone,which read,"here lies a lawyer and a honest nan"."look at that",the woman said,"money's so tight they're putting then two in a grave." Lawyer Jokes : A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave." __________________________________ These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. __________________________________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. _________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. _________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. __________________________________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. __________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. A:Nice to meet you. B:Nice to meet you,too. C:Nice to meet you,three. An Artist An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits. "Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed." "It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last * why have you added so many more this time?" "You silly * were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you BUYING A HAT A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one. Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam. You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!" To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!" I'M NOT HAVING IT ALL CUT OFF. Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him. "Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time." "Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time." "Not all of it," said the manager at 。
5.英語幽默小故事（帶翻譯的）
I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”
“沒有，老師。可是你昨天說你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元。”
“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了。”
TWO: Teacher:We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now,can anyone give me a good example?
John:Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short.
老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理。現在，誰給我舉個例子？
約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
教進化論的老師已經滔滔不絕地講了快兩個小時，他的話題又來了：“讓我向進化論者提個問題——如果我們曾經像狒狒那樣長著尾巴，那么現在尾巴到哪里去了？”
“我來試試看，”一位老太太說。
“該是我們在這里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧。”
更多的點這個鏈接
參考資料：
6.幽默英語小故事,盡量短一點
The Old Cat An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite * the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young." 【譯文】 老貓 一位老婦有只貓，這只貓很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了東西，因為它年紀太大了。
一天，老貓發現一只老鼠，它跳過去抓這只老鼠，然而，它咬不住這只老鼠。因此，老鼠從它的嘴邊溜掉了，因為老貓咬不了它。
于是，老婦很生氣，因為老貓沒有把老鼠咬死。她開始打這只貓，貓說：“不要打你的老仆人，我已經為你服務了很多年，而且還愿意為你效勞，但是，我實在太老了，對年紀大的不要這么無情，要記住老年人在年青時所做過的有益的事情。”
A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the * went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river." He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat * not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.【譯文】 一個人正朝著一個富人的房子走去，當他沿著路走時，在路的一邊他發現一箱好蘋果，他說：“我不打算吃那些蘋果，因為富人會給我更多的食物，他會給我很好吃的東西。”然后他拿起蘋果，一把扔到土里去。
他繼續走，來到河邊，河漲水了，因此，他到不了河對岸，他等了一會兒，然后他說：“今天我去不了富人家了，因為我不能渡過河。” 他開始回家，那天他沒有吃東西。
他就開始去找吃的，他找到蘋果，很高興地把它們從塵土中翻出來吃了。不要把好東西扔掉，換個時候你會覺得它們大有用處。
The City Mouse and the Country Mouse Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do come and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city." The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is coming!" They ran away quickly and * some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid." 【譯文】 城里老鼠和鄉下老鼠 從前，有兩只老鼠，它們是好朋友。一只老鼠居住在鄉村，另一只住在城里。
很多年以后，鄉下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它說：“你一定要來我鄉下的家看看。 ”于是，城里老鼠就去了。
鄉下老鼠領著它到了一塊田地上它自己的家里。它把所有最精美食物都找出來給城里老鼠。
城里老鼠說：“這東西不好吃，你的家也不好，你為什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你應該搬到城里去住，你能住上用石頭造的漂亮房子，還會吃上美味佳肴，你應該到我城里的家看看。” 鄉下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。
房子十分漂亮，好吃的東西也為他們擺好了。可是正當他們要開始吃的時候，聽見很大的一陣響聲，城里的老鼠叫喊起來：“快跑！快跑！貓來了！”他們飛快地跑開躲藏起來。
過了一會兒，他們出來了。當他們出來時，鄉下老鼠說：“我不喜歡住在城里，我喜歡住在田野我的洞里。
因為這樣雖然貧窮但是快樂自在，比起雖然富有卻要過著提心吊膽的生活來說，要好些。
7.有沒有簡短的英語小故事
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool." "But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside
一次，歌德正在魏瑪一個公園的一條狹窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇見一個對他懷有敵意的評論家。兩人都停了下來，彼此相互對視。接著評論家說道：“我從來不給傻瓜讓路。” “可我給。”說完歌德退到了一
8.跪求一則簡短幽默的英語小故事
Second language A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life. Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language？" 一只母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一只貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。
母老鼠向著貓叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，貓聽了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。 母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：“現在你知道外語的重要性了吧。”
9.急求一篇英語短篇幽默小故事
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老師：為什么你每天早晨都遲到？
湯姆：每當我經過學校的拐角處，僦看見一個牌子仩寫著"學校----慢行".
Let me take it down
An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
為我所用
一頭大象對一只小老鼠說：“你無疑是我見過的最小、最沒用的東西。”
“請再說一遍，讓我把它記下來。”老鼠說。“我要講給我認識的一只跳蚤聽。
轉載請注明出處華閱文章網 » 英語幽默小故事要簡短